As the leaves fall and the summer ends, the inferiority complex gets colder
Suddenly, it’s the end of summer. It will no longer be about the warm weather anymore. Just like the season changes, the air turns colder. The leaves start to drift to the ground.
As the leaves fall and the summer ends, when the warmth slowly fades, the feelings of inferiority grow more intense–it gets colder.
Unveiling the interconnection between Kook Yeon-Su from Our Beloved Summer and her inferiority complex.
I love every aspect of the series. The color tone, the soundtrack, the storyline, the acting–everything. And for me personally, is how deep it resonates with me.
At first, I was so confused about the reason why Yeon-Su was breaking up with Choi-Ung. That time, it was hard to get a clear reason. Why did Yeon-Su break up with Choi-Ung so easy? As if Choi-Ung is the one that Yeon-Su easily throws away, like he is not that important in her life.
It must be hard and confusing on Choi-Ung’s side. I, deeply, feel sorry for him.
But then, I feel it myself. I know exactly what Yeon-Su felt. What deals with her is the inferiority complex.
“So, the reason why we had to break up was.. because we live in two different realities. No, it was because my reality was pathetic. Actually, it’s because life alone was too much a burden for me. To be honest, to be completely honest, I was afraid you’d eventually notice my inferiority complex.” –Kook Yeon-Su, Our Beloved Summer (2021)
Just like the inferiority complex that grows inside her, it is toxically consuming me. Making myself drown in a thought full of hatred that I am the one who fills the tank.
Inferiority complex is about the feeling of deep inadequacy, of not being good enough to others, and feeling unworthy to receive any big things.
It’s the lack of self-trust.
If being Choi-Ung is hard and confusing, being Yeon-Su is much more complicated. Overwhelmed by her insecurity and thinking that no one will understand her. Instead of showing her vulnerability, she tends to always show the-“No, I’m okay.”-side even when she’s not.
Letting the sadness be seen by no one except her own reflection.
So, these thoughts echo with the sounds of a heavy heart.
The constant fear of having the worst-case scenario haunts me. Sometimes, it comes to mind, the thought of being left by someone. It’s painful, but then a relief dawns on me because I feel they deserve someone better.
The imperfection of self creates a fear of not being accepted into someone’s life.
So, I understand what Yeon-Su felt. It’s not that Choi-Ung isn’t important; but because he is truly that important to her.
The thought of doubting myself also often happen when someone compliments me, said that I’m doing good. Part of me — deep down inside me — was asking if they are telling honestly or just acting politely. I always see the best in others, proud of the little win in someone else’s life — but never in me.
As if a shadow of self-doubt lingers, making me question my own worth.
Truthfully, the awareness of self-love is always on my mind, but rather than embracing it, I always put them in a room of nothing. Pathetically sounds like a lie. Even when I already feel like my best self, even when I finally achieved something in my life, the inferior feeling always has its way back, undermining the heart and burdening it.
It’s tiring.
While I lost in a sea of doubt, waiting and wanting to be saved, I realized that instead of waiting for others, no one could help me out unless I had my own will to change, to heal it myself.
After all, the one who could truly save me, was always me.
Just like Yeon-su that tried to step out from the dark hole within her. In the end, she chose to walked out the door, as she tries to show her vulnerability to Choi-Ung and let him know what suffered her.
As well as the branch of the fallen leaves, Choi-Ung’s presence reminds her that she always has the opportunity to grow and change. The same goes for everyone; there will be many more days for growing and changing.
In fact that the tree doesn’t always have perfect leaves or flowers all season. In summer, they stand tall, green, yellow, and bright. But then, there is the time when the leaves wither and fall.
— to grow and change again.
It’s important to remember that having imperfections means we are a human being.
Hi, I’m Salma Zakiyyah, a person behind tutulisan. Comment and clap would be so much appreciated. Thank you for reading!
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